Media on the Home Front

Michele Howe of New Growth Press speaks with CCEF Faculty Member Winston Smith about practical ways that parents can equip their family to think accurately in response to media's powerful messages.

Michele: How do I help my kids understand that what they see in the media-whether on TV, radio, movies, or magazines-often fails to reflect the negative consequences that result from our culture's version of success and happiness?

Winston: One of the things I ask my kids to notice is that all media is created by people who want to communicate what they think about life. Advertisers and marketers are all trying to convince you of something. I tell my kids that just because it's written down doesn't mean it's correct. There is wisdom in having a healthy skepticism. The value of this mental alertness is especially obvious in the case of television commercials, because advertisers simply want your money. The foundation for helping our youngsters develop their media antenna is to hone their understanding of the human heart. The Bible says we're all self-deceived. As people live out their belief systems in front of others, our kids need to understand that they're being exposed to someone's worldview, which is frequently inaccurate or skewed when lined up against the Bible. Parents should try not to be reactionary. Rather, they should seek to gently challenge their kids to see what God's Word has to say about such messages. Society will tell us that the way to think more highly of yourself is to trust your heart. The Bible (in Proverbs 3:5) says the solution is to trust in the Lord. Parents will see the same media images and messages as their kids do and have impromptu conversations about these things along the way.

Michele: How do I teach sexual purity when many of their peers don't look down on sexual promiscuity? Many actually encourage it through peer pressure and mock those who don't.

Winston: I think most parents are uncomfortable talking about sex with their kids. But when parents don't speak about it, this creates a vacuum that makes kids look elsewhere for information. So we need to start with ourselves. We need to fully understand that sex is good; it was created and ordained by God. After we make sure we are not harboring a faulty notion that sex is wrong, we can communicate to our children. We want our kids to know that sex in itself is spiritual and designed to teach us something beautiful about God's love for us. The world presents sex as the hidden animal side of people and as a secret sin. The Bible teaches just the opposite. Sex between a married man and woman is specially designed to communicate love between them. But when sex is used outside God's parameters, we communicate something hurtful. Parents have the responsibility to give their kids a positive vision of sexuality. They make a mistake in communicating a no-no message, as if sex were shameful. In lovely contrast to the world's message, Christians have something much better to offer by picturing sexuality as God's good gift to people.

Michele: How can I explain our culture in light of Scripture? How can I show my children the ways our culture sometimes falls short? How can I help my kids prepare for the media they face daily?

Winston: We all walk this line as Christian parents. We want our kids to know that the culture is always telling them something. As salt and light, we must first hear what the particular message is and then respond. We do not want to be separatists; that is not how Jesus intended us to live. As Christians, we hear, digest, and consider; then we can send back a message that is positive and redemptive. Some parents are afraid of the media's influence on their kids, but the solution is never to hide. Rather, it is to engage, thoughtfully and lovingly. We must live in this fallen world as it is. Even if we could go to some faraway place to hide, that fallenness would find us even there.

Michele: My kids and their friends idolize music and teen stars. I notice my teens being swayed to adopt similar mannerisms and belief systems. How do I address this?

Winston: I frequently ask my kids to listen to what the lyrics in the music are saying. Or I'll ask them to tell me what they observe in a person's style of clothing. I'm trying to challenge them to be keen observers of the message conveyed by the choices people make. As they answer, we talk about it. Song lyrics and people's dress can often fly under the radar and convey subtle, yet powerful messages if we don't train our kids to see it. On the topic of body piercings and tattoos, parents must ask their kids what having these adornments means to them. Why do they want it? Remember, an object's value is always tied to the heart motive. For some, desiring a particular tattoo may be a symbol of their faith; it all depends on why an individual is choosing something. Parents would do well not to over-react, but to engage in non-combative discussion with their teens.

Michele: What are some practical ways parents can gently dissuade their kids from a naïve mentality that minimizes the impact of media influence on their thought lives?

Winston: There is an often-used passage in Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 where Moses delivers this instruction to the people: "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." The theme here is that parental instruction is continual. It is to be woven through everyday life. Parents know that kids universally hate the "big talk" because it feels shaming and dramatic. Kids come into the discussion already feeling that they've done something wrong. This passage wisely tells parents to weave their instruction through daily life, not apart from it. When parents notice an error-ridden message, we can help our kids notice it too. We might point out the part that isn't biblical and then talk about it gently, perhaps saying, "This part of that song confuses me or bothers me. What do you think?" Kids respond much more openly and enthusiastically to authentic daily relationship than to overly dramatic, parental "strong-arm" talks.

Michele: Once our kids become teens, where do parents draw the line on movies, music, and magazines that older teens want to bring in to the home but parents oppose?

Winston: Parenting is a path of individual wisdom; there isn't necessarily a black and white set of rules. Parents need know their own kids and assess where each child is strong and weak. Moms and dads must ask themselves what their parenting goals are. As a father, my goal is to grow my kids into God-honoring persons of faith. I realize that as they move into adulthood, they cannot simply be rule followers any longer. Rather, they need to be wise decision makers. Parents have to understand their own transition from the rule enforcer to the wise counselor as their children get older. Our roles shift. Of course, how quickly this occurs depends on what each child can handle. Sometimes, as parents, we let them decide for themselves and make wrong choices as part of the maturing process. It really depends on each child. Parents need to ask themselves, "Is my child equipped to wisely interact with this material, or it is more likely that the material will shape him?' Some kids are so prone to peer pressure and fear of man that they need more instruction before they can wisely handle such independence in decision making.

When parents are in doubt about some specific decision, a good rule is to do it with your kids. When parents feel uncertain about their child's ability to cope with an activity or media influence, they should review it themselves first or view it or listen to it with their child. As parents enter into the activity with their kids, they can observe their child's reaction and discuss it. This can open doors of communication in cases where kids don't need more rules, but they do need to learn about themselves. Kids need to test their courage with their parents' help and learn from these choices as they grow and mature.