To Those Living in Secret Sin

To the one who is living in secret sin,

From the title, you may assume I will tell you to bring your secret sin into the light, which is true. Yet, I know this invitation may sound trite and unappealing. If it were that easy, you would have done so already—but chances are it is more complicated for you.

For some of you, I imagine the complications involve facing the consequences of exposing your sin. You have your reasons for hiding. You are not ready for people to know because you are not ready to be held accountable. Perhaps you don't want to give up the sin. Or you don't want to be looked at with eyes of judgment or disappointment. You are not ready to lose the good reputation you've built for yourself. Maybe coming clean means you would lose everything. The cost feels too high.

For some of you, it's the genuine struggle to face your sin for what it is. I am not speaking to those who are worried and unsure. I am speaking to you who know deep down, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are on a very wrong path. If you have been living this way for a while, you have likely become calloused to it. Small, seemingly harmless compromises gradually turned into bigger ones without you realizing it. Now, you minimize your sin and have built up a fortress of rationalizations as to why it is actually okay. "It's not that bad. At least it's not [fill in the blank]. I know other people are doing this, too. In fact, there are other people doing much worse things.” Or maybe you blame shift: “If my partner wasn't so difficult, I wouldn't need to do this." There are so many ways to quiet your guilt and minimize the dissonance you feel in your soul. Anything to keep you from facing yourself and your secrets. The problem is that after a while, the difference between right and wrong becomes hazy.

Or perhaps this piece of your life has become so compartmentalized from the rest that you honestly don't give it much thought at all. Yes, there is this one thing hidden over there, but look at the rest of your life that shines with character. You focus on what is good, you ignore what is deeply bad, and you carry on with life as if everything is okay. As if you are okay. But with an entire sphere of your life hidden, perhaps you're not as okay as you think. You have spent so much time covering up and lying to others that perhaps the person you've managed to deceive the most is yourself.

It is worthwhile to ask yourself:

• What areas of your life are you hiding from other people?
• What are you doing in secret that no one knows about? What are your behaviors in the privacy of your bedroom? What messages are you privately sending on your phone? What websites are you visiting on your computer? What would you hate being discovered by your spouse, employer, or church members?
• If you think of your entire life being broadcast on a big screen, what parts of your life would you most dread exposure of? What words, behaviors, or decisions would you be most ashamed of? What relationships are you involved in that dishonor God and hurt the people you love? Does anyone know about them?
• What are the spheres of your life that you try to avoid thinking about?

Sin has a deceitful, blinding quality to it. We see in Scripture that King David was able to commit adultery and give orders to murder a man without really seeing his actions for what they were until he was confronted later.¹ Satan specializes in deception, so it is worthwhile for all of us to pause from the blind haze of autopilot mode and spend more time taking inventory of our lives. If anything comes up, it is worth sharing with someone wise and trustworthy to get their perspective. If you sense resistance to sharing, consider where it might be coming from. I know vulnerability is difficult, and perhaps you haven't had the best experiences sharing with others. But I appeal to you anyway—the cost of allowing yourself to continue down this dark path is greater than the potential cost of vulnerability. The Christian life was never meant to be lived in isolation.

For those of you who know you are living with secret sin but still struggle with the idea of disclosing it—many of you prefer to keep it that way. Why not let yourself continue to indulge in your sin without being hassled by consequences? I have nothing to say that will combat the allure of that comfort or be enough to convince you to face yourself and choose a different path. It is, after all, a spiritual battle, and I grieve how effective Satan can be in convincing us that living in his ways of darkness is better than living for Jesus.

Yet, I plead with you. I know what it can feel like to live in secrecy—the way it deadens your soul. And whether you are ready to face it or not, you are not truly doing well. You live a fractured life. As gratifying as your sin may be in the moment, when all is said and done, this life you are living doesn't feel full. Imagine the joy of having a clear conscience, not because you are sinless, but because your lifestyle is one of honest confession and repentance. Imagine being able to have people in your life walk alongside you to support and encourage you in your struggles—you won't have to face it all alone.

You were created to be known and loved. You were saved by Christ to live a life for him, a life that reflects him. He gave his life for you to make this possible. You have been invited to bring your deepest, darkest sins to God and realize there is none too deep or dark that exceeds the bounds of his forgiveness and grace. He will see you through every cost and consequence. He will redeem all that might fall apart and offer something more beautiful than whatever you're trying to preserve through your hiding. He will be with you when life as you know it crumbles and things get harder before they get better. He will understand when you mourn the loss of this secret sin. You might lose the world, but you will regain your soul.

Underneath the layers of self-deceit and denial, I am appealing to the small part of you that still wants to live your life with integrity before others and God. The part of you that sees the beauty of how Christ lived his life and wants to live that way too. I am appealing to the part of you that truly treasures Christ and knows, in the depths of your heart, that he is worth living for and glorifying. Some of you are starting to feel the toll of your secrecy—you feel weighed down and suffocated by the pressure to maintain the "faithful Christian" façade. You struggle to keep up with your web of lies. Deep down, you know you are not okay. This isn't the life you wanted for yourself. You don't know how the gradual descent led you to somewhere so isolated, confusing, and dark. You don't know how things got so out of control. Perhaps you are reaching your "prodigal son" moment—finding yourself somehow eating with the pigs, slowly coming to yourself, wondering if it's too late, if a better way is possible for you. Because as much as living in this darkness has offered you, you miss the light. As much as your secret sin seemed good for a time, you miss the pleasure of walking with Jesus.

To those who are living in secret sin, I know that bringing these things to light may be the hardest thing you ever do. Many of you don't feel ready to take this step. You will need God's help. Yet, like the prodigal son, I hope you know you have a Father who is waiting for you. When he sees you coming from a distance, he will run to you and embrace you in his arms. He will rejoice that you have come home. And in his embrace, I hope that despite the ocean of losses and consequences, you too will rejoice that you have come home. There is hope for you. There is grace for you. Please come home. He is worth it, dear brothers and sisters. To the one living in secret sin today, please come home.²

•