What was helpful to encourage and orient you as a brand new counselor?

This is a good question, and we all once were brand new, and it's easy to remember what that was like, how overwhelming to be in that role with no experience. You have really good intentions, but haven't had a chance yet to gain case wisdom. So it was helpful for me, and I remember even asking this once of an experienced counselor when I was in my first year. I asked, “Can you tell me about a time when you failed as a counselor?” What was I looking for in that question? Well, it's easy when you're new to this to see the competence and ease that experienced counselors have when they describe how they work with people. But I was looking for a reminder that even competent, at-ease counselors have made mistakes and have made missteps in their counseling. When you're a new counselor, the likelihood that you'll make mistakes is high. So I needed to hear that is normal, and this counselor was able to tell me a story, and that did comfort me.

Nobody who comes to this profession wants to make mistakes. We're here because we care deeply about people. But mistakes can and do happen. Another comment along a similar line: I remember when I took an observation class with Ed Welch, and one of the ways he reflected with the class after a session was he asked himself, “What would I edit from what I said to this counselee? What would I delete if I could?” And that was similarly helpful. It points to just the humanness of our counseling. These are real conversations. They're happening in real time. We're going to say things that don't come out right. We might say the wrong thing or a careless word. And this happens to all of us. And each of us only gains case wisdom by getting experience, and that includes mistakes and missteps because we're only human.

But when really helpful thing that comes from that fact is that it helps us to stay humble. It helps us have a learner's mindset, even when we have experience and have gained case wisdom. Ultimately, we don't want to grow out of the humility of asking and reflecting honestly on, what could I have done better? What could I have done differently with this person? How could my care have been wiser? So for a new counselor, this humility comes more naturally to you because you know you need it. But my encouragement to you is don't lose it even as you grow.