Most of us would like to learn how to have better conversations with those around us. We would like the awkward conversations to be less awkward. We would like the great ones to be more frequent. For people who know Jesus Christ, we want these great conversations even more because our words are the primary means of coming together, and we are destined for an eternity of fine conversations.
The problem is that if asked, most of us would have no plan for how to improve our conversation skills. We have goals for our weight and physical exercise but not for what occupies more time than anything else in our day. If you don’t have ideas on how you can improve your conversation skills, you won’t.
1. Recognize that starting a conversation is half the battle.
“Thank you for …” “I was thinking about you this week, …” “Any plans for the summer?” “What kept you busy this week?”
Don’t be preoccupied with what you will say next.
Be more interested in what the other person is saying. What is most important to him or her? Pay attention to what is felt deeply.
Identify someone who is skilled in conversations.
What is one thing you can learn from that person? Perhaps you could ask.
Remember prayer requests.
I know a man who is painfully uncomfortable in most social situations, but he has a plan. He will remember your prayer request from a small group, and two weeks later he will ask what has happened since, and then he will keep praying for you, and ask you in another two weeks. People love him for it.
Ask someone for advice, about anything.
Do you know a good mechanic? The best place for a reasonably priced meal? How to train a dog? How to cut back hydrangeas for the winter? How to care for a frightened child?
Do what you can to help the other person speak a little bit more than you.
Love is curious. To someone who clearly enjoys a certain activity you might say, “What is it about [fishing, parenting, the beach, etc.] that you really enjoy?”
Pray for specific people.
If you have prayed for them, and you see them at church, conversations will be more natural.
Be prepared to offer what you are learning.
Part of conversations is that you contribute to them. What Scripture have you been reading? What are you learning about Jesus? What are you learning about your own sins?
Be ready to identify one thing that you appreciate about the other person (or admire, like, enjoy, have been blessed by).
Even if you don’t actually speak these words of appreciation, your conversations will reveal your respect.
Ask someone about their best conversations.
What made those times so rich?
Get specific. Think of a person you will speak to today. What do you hope to bring to that conversation? Pray for it now. Think of a person with whom conversations can be awkward. Be ready to share one thing you appreciate about them.
