How do I navigate relationships with believers whose words don’t match their actions?

It is hard to talk about sins with friends. We don't do it very well. We tend to come from above rather than below. We don't look more closely at our own sins. We look more closely at somebody else's sins. We don't do it in love. That is the norm in our conversations. So with that being said, here are some of the ways to navigate that relationship. One, you talk to the person. You talk to the person poorly and they're offended, and they're offended for good reasons. And then you can go back and you can ask their forgiveness. That's one way that you could do it.

Another issue, talk to the person. But before you do, you look to see your own heart. You analyze your heart more carefully than you analyze the other person's heart. You analyze your own heart until yours is bigger than the other person's. You pray, and you grow in love. You don't say a word until you can identify things that are praiseworthy and good in that other person. You don't speak to the person until, I’ll put it this way, until you like them.

Now, if those qualifications for talking to the person are not met, then you don't say anything. The Lord can change us in all kinds of different ways. So one is you talk to the person, and if you do it poorly, you can ask their forgiveness and you can grow in speaking in love.

Other ways, this has not been uncommon with me. As I begin to see a friend's sin and wonder, would it be wise for me to speak? It's not unusual for the Spirit to reveal that indeed mine is bigger. And if I want to speak to my friend, I can ask him to pray for me. Here's something that I've been struggling with; would you pray for me? And that's not a setup. Oh, now I've asked him, now I want him to ask me. It's not a setup; it's just normal desperation. We need somebody to pray for us in the midst of our own sins. What else? You've been on my heart. This is one of the places where the Spirit can take us when we might be concerned about a person's words not matching up with their actions. You've been on my heart. Is there one way I can pray for you? Is there one way that I can pray for you? Or you don't say anything. What are we identifying? That you are asking a question that demands wisdom. The very nature of wisdom is there is rarely one answer. Here are the three, here are the four, here are the five ways we could approach this. Now, what seems most appropriate in this situation with this particular person? And we act. And we typically ask forgiveness after we've done it and grow to be able to speak to another person more lovingly. And perhaps, perhaps we begin to start a new tradition in our church where we can speak hard things and the body of Christ is built up as we do it from below, as we do it with humility, and we do it in overt love with great appreciation for the person whom we speak with.